absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
