I'm eating all of the evidence.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
