Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
