You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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