woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's official drugs can't kill me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
