If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
