whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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