The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
