he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
