1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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