so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
