It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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