Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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