My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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