I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We got so high we made milksteak
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
