I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
