Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We are two peas in an std pod
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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