If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
