That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
