I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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