You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
