I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
