i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
