I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
