WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
