there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
