wrigley field is MILF paradise
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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