i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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