I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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