yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
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I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize