I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
