The maid of honor just puked.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
