With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
