Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
