If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
