sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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