I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
