I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
