Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
