Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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