Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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