my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
