I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
