id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
