I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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