Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
