This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
