We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
