I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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