I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
