I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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