Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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