So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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