I must be too annoying 4 u.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
