Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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