Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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