Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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