super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
