the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
