the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
