so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
