Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
