I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
