The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
