I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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