i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
