She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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