a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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