it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
