i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
