i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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