your room smells of hookers.
And success
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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