can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
