She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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