some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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