I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
