i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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