The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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